A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues
by Eight More Seconds
Summary: We all know what a Mary Sue is, but for those innocent and unsuspecting writers, here's how to write a Mary Sue. Meant to be a parody only, with pure stupidity and crack in my opinion. If you don't like it, don't read it.
1. Part 1: Starting Off

I've been looking through a few stories in my school from one of my classmates (she writes Harry Potter), and I've found this really stupid and annoying fanfiction about Harry Potter. Soo damn annoying, but comical. It was a dreaded Mary Sue fic. Then I trawled through my stories I wrote when I was 8 years old. Guess what I found? More Mary Sue fics. So to save people from this abyss, I've decided to do a step-by-step guide to writing Mary Sues. They should give me a medal for this.

Everything I do in this fic is intentional and carefully planned and mapped out, to fully imitate and fully present to you the full Mary Sue experience. If you don't like it, then don't read it. Otherwise, you are welcome to stay.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Yu-Gi-Oh or anything else of the like. Oh, except for... GAH!!!! I can't type the blasted name because it's too long! And yes, I'll chuck her to my pet piranhas once I'm done with this fanfiction.

**The text in bold are meant to be a guide. After all, this IS A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues.**

* * *

**_A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues_**

**Chapter 1: Starting off - Names and Descriptions**

**When one writes a Mary Sue, remember to give them extra long names that have more than three syllables OR use words that rarely are used as names. Descriptions are also neccessary. You may also repeatedly emphasize on their appearance for added effect.**

All was well in Domino High. It was a perfectly beautiful cloudless sky, the birds were singing and the trees were dancing in joy. Yugi and his gang were happily chatting away in Domino High.

This joyful gathering was interrupted by the ringing of the dreaded school bell, where you could hear students scrambling back to their classrooms. However, Yugi's homeroom teacher had already made it, and greeted the students.

"Good morning class."

"Good morning Mr Wilkins." The teacher looked very flustered and adjusted his thick rimmed glasses, and took role call.

"Today, we have a new student coming in from America, and..." He stared at the empty seat. "She's late."

"Ooh, that means she needs to get detention!" whispered Yugi eagerly to Yami (Atemu, Yami Yugi, your choice. I'm calling him Yami.) Yami nodded gravely. Then suddenly the door creaked open.

When the door did open, you could almost already hear a chorus of angels chanting the hallelujah. It was fitting, for in stepped perhaps the most beautiful woman/girl/female that mankind would ever set their eyes upon. She was so beautiful, in fact, that she seemed to suck the air out of the room.

She was beautiful, mind you, with long, silky, radiant, gorgeous, beautiful, smooth, silky blonde tresses with pink streaks in her hair, even though the rules in Domino High forbade you from dying your hair (with exceptions to Yugi coz that's his natural hair colour). Her eyes were multi-coloured, brilliant sapphire blue orbs with the tints of the colour of the rainbow. Her skin was a pale snow white colour that made her look like an ethereal beauty. Not that she wasn't one. She was tall and had a good figure, and even in the extra dorky Domino High uniform she looked like a supermodel. When she smiled, her teeth was so white already you could have gone blind - permanently.

* * *

**Note that Mary Sues should have a powerful force of attraction and attract all the hearts of all main, minor characters and all the offscreen people. Also, there should be an intense hate for the rival of the object of the Mary Sue's affections - and vice versa.**

The moment this wonderous masterpiece of mankind stepped in, already the teacher had stopped thinking on what ways to punish the latecomer and was now staring at her chest, a small pool of drool on the floor. All the guys were having very suspicious nosebleeds and all the straight girls turned - ahem - (cough cough choke choke HACK), except for Anzu, who had suddenly and mysteriously developed this intense hate and rage for this newcomer.

"Ah... right," remarked the teacher, wiping a blob of drool from the corner of his mouth. "Introduce yourself." She flashed a dazzling smile at the teacher.

"My name is Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom Fortuna, but you can call me Marie," she began in her lovely, sing-sing, musical, silky smooth and trilling voice to the now currently hypnotized classroom (except Anzu, who was growling at her). "I'm from America, and I'm very pleased to meet you!" She waved a bit, and there was a collective swooning.

"Sir, I'm late, stupid chaffeur -" At this precise moment, the famed Seto Kaiba stepped into the classroom holding his metal briefcase of documents, and did the unthinkable. When he saw Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom Fortuna, he tripped and fainted on the floor. Yes. The Seto Kaiba tripped and fainted. That was how beautiful Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom was.

"Alright then, Marie, you can sit next to Yami over there," remarked Mr. Wilkins, gesturing at Yami. Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom flashed a brilliant smile at Yami and glided over in her 6 inch high heels. Anzu however, was glaring daggers at Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom.

_Ooh, she is soo going to dieeeeee_, thought Anzu to herself.

* * *

Had to keep and feed myself with good, decent fics to keep myself sane throughout writing this "guide". How was it? I do hope you liked it and got a few laughs throughout the entire thing. 

Reviews and ideas are greatly appreciated for this particular story since my references come from Wikipedia. I love you, Wikipedia.


	2. Part 2: Achievements and Births

Welcome back. I'm debating whether or not to put up an OC fic in Yu-Gi-Oh, seeing I've already done so in Death Note... Don't worry, it won't be out now because my common tests are here and I'm DYING. So, there'll be a hiatus until 5th November when I'll start updating again... that is, if the pressure doesn't crush me too much... Wish me luck.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Yu-Gi-Oh or anything else of the like. Except for Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom Fortuna. Also known as: -cough-piranha feed-cough-.

**Text in bold : guidelines**

* * *

**_A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues_**

**Chapter 2: Mary Sues, Achievements and their Birth.**

**Mary Sues can achieve the impossible. They also have a lot of different superpowers (at least 3 to qualify for a fully-fledged Mary Sue).**

Throughout the lesson, for once, the class was able to survive the teacher's onslaught of droning, thanks to the wonderful Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom - alias Marie - as when the lesson got too boring or the teacher repeated himself, she would use her mind control powers to make his break into singing Britney Spears or hop around like a rabbit. If it got too boring she would stop time so to give everyone a break without the teacher knowing. Yet alas, even this could not hold off the lesson so Marie eventually fast forwarded time and the bell for recess rang.

At this, all the classmates disappeared by dropping down a plot hole, leaving only Yugi, the gang and our wonderous Mary Sue who somehow managed to teleport herself a few metres away from where she was once sitting next to Yami. Oh, and Seto Kaiba had his nose in his business documents, but then again, he was a busy CEO who needed to keep his comapny running.

"Hey, why don't we play a card game?" suggested Joey. This suggestion was quickly accepted by the rest of the gang, and soon everyone was enthusiastically playing card games. At the present moment, only Yugi and Yami were dueling each other, since they were well-matched. At first, there were only them in the classroom. Then, more and more people came dropping down plotholes to watch the two duel, until the entire classroom was stuffed up with people.

"Can I play?" a soft, tinkling, musical voice trilled. The crowd parted like Moses parting the Red Sea and from the now clear passageway could be seen a radiant glow, and from it emerged the gorgeous Marie.

"Oh, sure!" replied Yami, grinning widely for no apparent reason. Yugi quiclky let Marie have his seat and they dueled. They were well-matched as well, and more than once did they come into deadlocks with each other. Then finally:

"Pretty Pink Pony! Attack his life points directly!" Yami watched silently as his life points were completely taken away in awe for the girl. At first, all was silent, then a roar of applause broke out, and Marie stood up, flipping her blonde tresses behind her back and curtsying to the crowd.

"That was a good game," said Yami, shaking her hand and blushing at the same time. Marie smiled at him and fast forwarded time to the end of school, just for the sake of the plot.

* * *

**Mary Sues often have the ability to make somebody fall in love with them within the first few chapters/moments/hours of meeting them, to the point of them taking blows/bullets/punches/stabs/kicks/laser beams/etc. They can also make canon characters go completely OOC whenever they wish. ****They can also take on a lot of people, such as 1,000,000,000,000 henchmen/nuttters/muggers/thieves/robbers/bandits/guards and the like (unless you're playing Dynasty Warriors, but then that record doesn't exist at all). ****Oddly enough, some Mary Sues are willing to let canon characters take blows for them when the oppressors can be stopped quite easily for them. **

After school, Yami felt awkward as he made his way towards Marie. _I've never felt this way before. Why?_ Marie, who was at her locker, and felt Yami approach with her supersensory ears and turned towards him with a smile.

"Hey Yami," she greeted. Yami blushed a bit, and swallowed.

"Wouldyouwanttowalkhomewithmetoday?" he asked, the words rushing out.

"Sorry?" Marie asked, her face not showing even the slightest bit of confusion. Yami took a _deep_ breath and tried again.

"Would you like to walk home with me today?" Marie flashed yet another blindingly white smile (think Gai from Naruto. Sorry, I know this is Yu-Gi-Oh but I couldn't resist)

"Sure, why not?" Yami breathed a sigh of relief as Marie snapped her fingers and teleported all her books and coursework back to her home and followed him out of the school's iron wrought gates - or more like, Marie had Yami following her like a lovestruck zombie [1. Marie then began to talk about pretty pink ponies and beauty and fashion and makeup and cosmetics and movie stars and what not, yet Yami was quite happy to talk about the topic (even though he knew nothing except card games). The sun was setting and all was well - until this gang of some 1,000,000,000,000 muggers suddenly jumped out of nowhere and blocked Marie and Yami's path.

"Sorry girl, but you're coming with us," said the largest, baddest and most evil-looking bastard. Marie didn't flinch a bit, and merely snapped her fingers and knocked out 999,999,999,999,999 of them - leaving only one, who merely sneered, uncowed by our beloved heroine.

"You missed me out," he said, smirking, raised his gun and fired. For Yami, time seemed to slow, and he jumped in front of Marie, and got shot in the shoulder. He heard Marie scream, and then all went black.

* * *

**Mary Sues have a very unusual birth and usually have special objects that are never-before-seen in the dimension they are in. For Yu-Gi-Oh, take the Eighth Millenium item.**

Yami woke up in the hospital to see his friends all surrounding him. The first thing he did, however, was to shoot up and ask:

"Where's Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom? Is she alright? Is she -" At this point, a soft sob interrupted a currently panicking Yami's speech. Yami turned, and immediately, his heart felt as if it had a billion ton metal weight lifted from it.

There was his beloved goddess (how on earth did _that_ come out?) sitting quietly in the centre, crystalline pearl drops sliding delicately down her beautiful porcelain cheeks. At this point, all of Yami's friends disappeared down a plothole, leaving only Yami and Marie behind. Yami, despite his injuries, got out of bed and went to Marie's side, and knelt down next to her, even though the doctor had ordered him not to even leave a millimetre of his bed.

"I'm... I'm sorry Yami," stuttered Marie, still sobbing.

"It's okay," Yami whispered, putting an arm around Marie. Marie smiled and looked at Yami's poor bandaged shoulder, unwrapped the bandange and gazed at the wound. She placed her hand on it, and for a brief moment, Yami felt a soothing coolness. Then, Marie lifted her hand, and miraculously, for a wound that could have killed Yami, it had been completely healed without a scar.

"How did you do that?" asked Yami in wonder. Marie sniffed.

"Well, you see, my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather was a shinigami who married my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother who was a goddess of love, then they gave birth to my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother who was a cross between the two and caught the fancy of my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather who was a devil. So they got married and produced my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother who was also a cross between the two and my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother was a fairy, and married another angel and then their son married a vampire, which produced an vampire-angel, and so this one married an ancient Egyptian god and so that one got married to an elf. I'm actually a shinigami/goddess/angel/devil/fairy/elf/deity/vampire, and my father and mother loved each other very much but they got murdered when I was just one year old so brutally that it has traumatised me for life but I'm okay because I beat up the murderers using my scary fire controlling powers. But before they died I was given this heirloom - "

With that, Marie untied from her waist a long, thick metal belt with strange and funny looking hieroglyphics.

"Don't tell anyone okay? This is what cost my parents my lives! It's..." she lowered her voice and glanced around, as if checking for people.

"It's the long-lost Eight Millenium Belt!"

"But that means..." Yami gasped, and stared Marie.

"...You're my long lost queen," he whispered, and leant forward and kissed Marie full on the lips.

* * *

I seriously don't know what to say about this chapter. 

Sorry about the descendant bit. I had to put it in to poke a bit of fun at the entire Mary Sue thing. I found one which actually looked like the same thing - no naming, but you can go and hunt for it yourself. No hints here, but you can find it, and if you do, well, enjoy it.

Reviews are greatly appreciated, and I hope you had a good laugh at it all over again. Now I need to find what to write next... damn.


	3. Part 3: More Achievements and the Rival

Whoop! My common tests are OVER. Officially. So that means you'll be getting updates until... er... a week before my mid-year exams. My mid year's in 4th December, and our beloved little "guide" will once again go on hiatus. Sorry 'bout that, but let me indulge in a few days of rest...

I've drawn up a list of ideas for my chapter, but this one was too good to resist. If you have any more ideas, write in and I'll check up against my little list and put that in... somehow. I keep thinking I've been missing a few vital Mary Sue characteristics...

Disclaimer: I don't Yu-Gi-Oh or any related materials. Except for piranha food (read: Mary Sue)

P.S. This is for Astarael's Get: I kinda got your question wrong, so I'm breaking all the rules and writing something up here. No, having fire powers would not make you a real life Mary Sue. It'd just make you a) really cool or b) freaky. That depends on people's opinions. On the other hand, you'd be safe from random attacks. I apologize for misreading your question, and I hope you don't mind.

* * *

_**A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues**_

**Mary Sues pick things up really quickly. That includes all skills, and show talent in all aspects of their life. That includes music, sports, languages, communication, and the such.**** Of course, the rival should not be ****forgotten**** and should interrupt as many romantic scenes in any way possible, whether logical or illogical.**

A week after the rather "eventful" walk back home, Yami was walking about school with his gang of friends, chatting and gossiping joyfully (guys gossip. Brilliant.) until Yami heard some beautiful, flowing music which sounded a cross between a harp and a lyre. And the music that was played... it was like an angel who had taken infinite centuries of playing and was the chief musician of the choir. So curious, Yami and the gang wandered to the place where the golden chords of the music was playing, and the gang, other than Yami, promptly dropped down a plothole, and left Yami standing there alone in the room.

In the room was his beloved Marie, dressed in flowing robes of white, dazzling radiance, and a beautiful golden halo crowning her in all her beautiful glory. There were a pair of white feathery wings sprouting – ahem – protruding (gets glare from Marie) from her back. Even if Marie was beautiful, this made her stunningly gorgeously fantastically beautifully heavenly brilliantly vividly intensely tremendously extremely attractively strikingly unusually outstandingly noticeably wonderfully blissfully divinely beautiful.

"H-h-hi Marie," stuttered Yami, completely awestruck by his beloved's completely awe inspiring appearance. You could actually hear the angels chanting the alleluia this time – they were praising her for being so beautiful. Marie turned and flashed him yet another blinding smile, this time further enhanced by the radiant glow reflecting off her perfectly white teeth which looked like pearls bathed in milk.

"Hey Yami," she greeted back in her most musical and beautiful voice that Yami had ever heard in his life. His heart went back to hammering frantically against his ribs. _She's so damn beautiful that even Hathor would be ashamed of herself and kill herself right now and here._

"W-w-what's up?" he asked as he approached Marie, shielding his eyes from the all-too-beautiful-and-radiant-and-dazzling-and-divine-and-bright-and-glowing-and- celestial light. Marie smiled and snapped her fingers, and quite suddenly, she was back to her stunning and gorgeous self again. Not that she wasn't gorgeous when she wasn't in her angelic form.

"Nothing much, Yami," she said sweetly. "I'm practicing my harp here. You see, there was a harp which suddenly came down from this black space and I picked it up and this tune just flowed from my fingers," she explained patiently.

"Wow, you're talented," remarked Yami, his face going so red that even a tomato paled by comparison next to his face.

"It's strange really. I mean, whatever I lay my hands on, I seem to be able to use them with greatest ease. For example, when I was only two weeks old, my parents were still alive and they set me at a grand concert piano. And for some odd reason, I began to play the Nutcracker theme by Tschaikovsky. My parents were thrilled and ever since I began to play the piano. Another time I first set my hands on a violin when I was just one and I played a violin concerto. That's odd, isn't it, Yami-kins?" Yami shook his head somewhat vaguely.

"It's just proof of your divine talents and beauty," he gushed. Marie went over and kissed him on the cheek and Yami was left in a stupor.

"Then there's the other time when I went ice skating the other time when I was six with my instructor in a pretty little skating dress – you know, the little pink tutu with butterflies and flowers on it? You haven't seen it? I must show you some time. Anyway, I did a butterfly spin and I was in the newspapers immediately the next day." Yami smiled, still dazed by Marie's kiss.

"I wish I could see that," he murmured. Marie sashayed _reall__y _close to him and whispered.

"No wonder I love you so much, Yami. You're sooo sweet." She kissed him and the two began to kiss each other passionately when Anzu dropped down right in front of them down a plot hole.

"You! Stupid man-eater!" she screamed. The kissing couple broke apart and suddenly Marie had a murderous glow in her eyes.

"What is it, girl?" she asked. Anzu advanced towards Marie, shaking a fist at her pretty face.

"You get your hands off _my_ Yami now or you'll pay!" she cried. Marie narrowed her eyes and conjured up some flames, vines, lightning, water, and used her brilliant telekinetic powers to levitate a piano which had quite conveniently dropped out of another plothole yet again..

"He's taken and he's _mine,_" she hissed murderously. When Anzu tried to punch her, Marie brought the entire piano crashing down.

"Come on Yami," she said, all sweetness again. "Let's go." Yami, completely oblivious to the trapped Anzu underneath the piano, smiled and took Marie's hand and left with her.

"I will make you pay, Marianne Cinderella Jadis –gasp- Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom –gasp-Fortuna!" screamed Anzu, as she and the piano were both sucked up into a black hole which had appeared in the ceiling.

* * *

Well, sorry about that single point here. I'm saving up for the larger bombshells which are now currently in production stage… Sorry to all Yami fans about the "Yami-kins" bit. It sounded too good to be put in…

Hope you all liked the plotholes and my twisted sense of humour. Yes, the plotholes will be making a lot of appearances in this entire story… you can count them if you like and tell me how many did you count.

Reviews are greatly appreciated, and as usual, I hope you got your own share of laughs and enjoyed this chapter.


	4. Part 4: Fortune, Legacy and Pets

Haven't updated in God knows how long. My mid-years are coming up (argh) and I'm quite conveniently down with flu and a sore throat. Whoopee. Anyway, enjoy my latest offering of stupidity, twisted humour and crack. I've looked through my past chapters and realized that there was an inconsistency in the titles and lines, so please bear with me as I'm very forgetful at times.

Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged Series quotes will be coming later as soon as I work out how to slip a few here and there.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any related materials. I only own shark bait/piranha food (Oh, come on, you know what this is! I've been using this term since day 1 of this story!).

* * *

_**A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues**_

**Mary Sues**** have ****a very fancy abode which usually reflects how rich the Mary Sue is/are/were without any logical reason. Also, ****Mary Sues often have a great disposal of wealth and jewels which usually come out of nowhere without explanation. They are also the sole heir to a fortune/legacy/jewel/etc.**

On another sunny day when the flowers were in full bloom framing the Earth in all her glory, and when dolphins were leaping about in joy and rabbits hopped around and lived peacefully with snakes and lions did not attack other weaker prey for food, Marie and Yugi's gang were all walking in a park and discussing a project that the teacher had assigned to them. Originally, the teacher had put Marie with Anzu and her other bunch of friends, but Marie had cried floods and the teacher, being smitten with her, couldn't bear to see our beautiful heroine in tears, henceforth paired her up with Yami and the gang, minus Anzu who had suddenly dropped down a plothole, along with her other band of friends once Marie was paired up with Yami and friends.

"Say, where do we go to in order to finish our project?" asked Tristan, his eyes gazing at Marie with rapt adoration. Sadly this went unnoticed by his object of affection, as she was gazing at Yami with such loving eyes that Yami stared back at her with the same affection.

"Why not my house?" offered Marie, while _still _staring at Yami.

"Why not? I'd love to see your house," murmured Yugi, who too was in love with Marie since the first day he saw her. Marie bent down and kissed Yugi's forehead.

"You're such a sweetie, Yugi-baby," replied Marie with another of her dazzling smiles. Yugi fainted clean away, and a plot hole opened up at their feet and they fell through it collectively.

As soon as they landed on their feet, they were in front of the most spectacular mansion they had ever seen. The entire structure was made of platinum, and the roofs were pure gold. The door was carved out of marble, with different precious stones, such as diamonds, rubies, agate, sapphire, emerald, opals, amethysts, pink diamonds, saiamonds (1), agapphire (2) and the such inlaid. The gates were made of gold as well, with intricate carvings, and marble statues made of carrera marble were placed at the door. The garden itself grew candy, chocolate, cotton candy, gold bars, silver bars, jewels and the like, and the flowers gave off this heavenly aroma that was fit for a deity. The mansion itself covered some 100 acres.

"This is my home," Marie explained as the entire gang stepped into the house, where faeries dressed in uniform lined up at either side of the passageway and threw confetti and flower petals as they passed through the path made of gingerbread and candy drops and entered the house.

"My parents and I used to live here, you see," explained Marie as they went up the stairs (made of rose gold and carpeted with devore velvet (3) with embroidery).

"So this was where you and your parents lived?" asked Yami. Marie gave him a sad smile. At this, Yugi and the gang (excluding Yami and Marie, of course) dropped down a plot hole labeled "George", while the remaining two were teleported to a pretty rose garden. The bright sky had suddenly turned dark, and the full moon shone in the dark night sky.

"Yes. Daddy left this entire house plus a fortune of one billion trillion pounds in his bank and his entire company of sixteen billion people under my control. I was the sole heir you see, as my siblings were murdered one by one brutally in front of me. I've got an entire legacy to preserve myself," Marie sniffled softly. Yami awkwardly put his arms around her and embraced her, and suddenly Marie's beautiful crystalline tears came again.

"Don't worry, my Queen, I'm with you," whispered Yami, and kissed his beloved sweetheart's tears away. They remained like that for quite some time – until a massive rocket somehow managed to drop down a plot hole and very nearly hit Marie on the head, almost eliminating her from existence when a silver blur sprung up beside Marie and swallowed the entire rocket hole. From above, one could hear the voice:

"Ding Dong, Marie is dead, Marie's dead, Marie's dead. Ding dong the evil Marie's dead! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA – ha?" Both Yami and Marie looked up curiously up the plot hole and saw Anzu standing above them, looking very shocked.

"Oh, hi, Yami-kins!" greeted Anzu in a honey and baby-like voice. Marie was hate mad at Anzu, with a smoking crater some 100 km wide in her precious rose garden. Marie snapped her fingers, and the crater was mended.

* * *

**Mary Sues often have a host of exotic and sometimes mythical/legendary beasts as pets and guardians at their disposal.**

As soon as the crater was mended, Anzu dropped off from her perch in her plot hole and landed in a crumpled heap at Marie's feet. Marie snapped her fingers, and another silver blur sprung up and tackled Anzu to the ground.

"Take her away, Mercury," she commanded. On Anzu was currently a silver baby dragon who was growling at Anzu, flames spurting from its nostrils. The dragon breathed a dazzling flame as if it had burned a magnesium ribbon and Anzu had suddenly disappeared.

"Who was that?" asked Yami, awestruck as he watched Marie stroke the dragon as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"Oh, that was my dragon Mercury. I adopted him off in the sixty-first dimension, rescuing him from a cruel slave master. Of course, I blasted that cruel man with a tornado. I've got a lot more than Mercury. I've got Candy the Unicorn, Flamer the gold dragon, Ramy the ram with a golden fleece (4), the Hydra, the Chimera and a lot more. The Hydra and the Chimera were the hardest to tame of course, but once when I fed them my special mix of honey feed they were _so_ obedient." Yami smiled and stroked Mercury the dragon. The dragon somehow managed to purr like a cat.

"Come on Yami-kins," she coaxed with a sweet smile. "We need to get to dinner. My little baby dragon-munchkin will take care of Anzu." Yami smiled back at her and swept her bridal style off her feet, and the two dropped down a plot hole and into the dining room.

* * *

**The following is another example of the above point, illustrating how rich and fabulous a Mary Sue usually is.**** Mary Sues can also bridge the gap between two sworn enemies in whatever way she wishes within a few lines or a paragraph.**

When Yami and Marie fell into the dining room, for some odd reason the two had managed to magically change their outfits _and_ land in different positions of the room. Yugi and the gang were also there, but there was no table or chair.

"I thought that we were having dinner?" asked Joey as they stood in the empty dining room (made of gold. Of course). Marie smiled and shrugged.

"I'd watch your head if I were you," remarked Marie sweetly, and a table made of oak appeared out of nowhere and gilded chairs with velvet cushions magically teleported themselves to the right position, leaving the entire gang awestruck.

"Burn the witch!" whispered Tristan to Joey, and the two nodded. Marie heard them, however, and cleared her throat, causing Tristan and Joey both to go red with embarrassment.

"This is super special awesome!" exclaimed Yugi, plonking himself down on one of the chairs.

"It's nothing. I've got another throne chair in my throne room made of nothing but diamonds," remarked Marie casually, snapping her fingers yet again. Almost instantly, the table was filled with delicious sorts of food.

"We need to wait for Seto darling," Marie said with a smile. Almost everybody's eyes bugged open.

"Why did you invite him? He calls me a mutt! I'll kill him with my bare hands!" raged Joey.

"Aw, I've asked Seto darling not to insult you today, and he's agreed," replied Marie, her sweet smile still on her face, and somewhat widened oh-so-slightly without ruining her perfect features. At that precise moment the Seto Kaiba dropped down from another plothole and landed face first into a cream pie, causing Yami to burst out laughing.

"What are you laughing at, midget?" snapped Seto. And as predicted, the two began to engage in a food fight and insults were thrown. None of them involved Joey though, quite miraculously, even though Joey was pelting apples at Seto. Then, a soft sniffle from the very far end of the table stopped the two of them, and much to both Yami and Seto's alarm, it was Marie, somewhat crying.

"Marie, are you alright?" asked Yami and Seto at the same time as they simultaneously raced to her side.

"I don't like it when you two fight," whimpered Marie in a baby cutesy voice. "Can you two be friends… please?" For a moment, there was dead silence. Then, Seto held out a hand.

"Truce?" Yami nodded, and shook the hand solemnly. Immediately, Marie cheered up and kissed both Yami and Seto on the cheek. The Seto Kaiba once again fainted clean away.

* * *

**With Anzu**

"Grrr… how dare she…." Anzu was stuck in the very bowels of Marie's mansion, chained up to a stone wall. "How dare she take _my _Yami! I hate her! I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate - " Anzu paused to take a deep breath, but was interrupted when there was a slight sizzling of metal chains, and Anzu found herself unchained and free. There was a figure in the shadows, its face half hidden in the darkness.

"So you hate my twin sister as well?" A cold, silky voice asked. Anzu nodded.

"Who doesn't hate her?" A chuckle that sent shivers down Anzu's spine.

"A lot of people don't. I was wondering if you were interested in…" Anzu stood there in her cell, listening. It was a good deal. Her face broke out in a maniacal grin, and she and the figure dropped down another plot hole.

* * *

Glossary and Author's Comments: 

1: Saiamonds - I put sapphire and diamonds together for this one. Non-existent gem.

2: Agapphire - I put agate and sapphire for this one. Non-existent gem.

3: Devore velvet - the most beautiful type of velvet I would ever see. It's got pretty patterns and colours, and the really good ones have a nice texture as well. You can go onto the internet and search "Devore velvet" in the Images section, and maybe you can find some nice pictures of this type of velvet. No, I'm not doing advertising here.

4: Anybody read Greek myths? Apparently this was taken from a story involving a character called Jason who went and stole a golden fleece which was guarded by a dragon. Not sure on this fact though. Correct me it I'm wrong.

* * *

I am fully aware that probably some themes in this story is probably over used (such as my favourite plotholes), but bear with me – the fun's just starting up. Hope you enjoyed the story and managed to laugh wryly at my odd sense of humour once again. 

Reviews and suggestions are, as always, greatly appreciated.


	5. Part 5: Different Types of Sues

Mid-years are NEXT WEEK and I'm using the pretext of doing my English HW here to turn on the computer and bring to you the latest update on our little guide here. I've also deleted _another_ of my stories because I kind of thought the plot was illogical… but that's beside the point.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I only own piranha food/shark bait and her twin sister.

* * *

_**A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues**_

**There is more than one type of Mary Sue, including Gary Stu (male Mary Sue), Parody Sue, Angsty Sue, Canon Sue, Self-Insert Sue and Villain Sue. In this chapter we will introduce the Villain Sue, who befriends, replaces or is romantically involved with the villain of the story (in this case, Anzu… as all our dear readers most likely will have noticed). However, Villain Sues, other than having all the traits of a Mary Sue, also usually are able to spare canon characters when she could gloat or kill them, usually out of her hidden "good qualities", and usually her tragic past justifies all the evil she does.**

"So, who are you?" demanded Anzu, as she faced the regal figure seated on a throne made out of platinum and gold, and of course inlaid with precious jewels. Of course, due to the fact that the marble platform was elevated some 100 metres high, Anzu _had_ to raise her head high to see just the barest hint of her features.

"Me? I am the sister of – on moment please, my sister's name is too long even for me to remember." With that, the shadowy figure was seen rustling behind her seat and retrieving a long sheet of paper which dropped down from the end of the platform.

"Ah yes. I am the sister of Marianne Cinderella Jadis Tinkerbell Glamour Cherry Blossom Fortuna, Anna Suzanna Odjit Mehnet Ophelia Carmenita Esmerelda Malificia Carolyn Odelia Anastasia Jasmine Fortuna. I too was born like my sister, except that she is illegitimate. In other words, the fact that she was descended from an affair between my father and an elf. My poor mother, however, was a vampire/deity/fallen angel/princess/unicorn/mermaid/Veela(1)/shinigami, and was supposedly more attractive than that stupid elf. However, that elf cast a love spell on my father and she gave birth to my despicable incompetent idiotic arrogant proud foolish hot-tempered driveling sniveling jabbering jabbering idiot of my sister. (2) And of course, he left my mother and I to fend for ourselves in a forest full of zombies, vampires and whatnot (3). My mother died –_ I _survived, and killed off both my father and his stupid slut of a mistress." The figure vaulted down from her perch and managed to land gently on her feet without dying from such a height, and from the shadows made her way towards Anzu. And for this moment, her features were thrown into the light.

"I then proceeded to massacre the mistress' entire family and my father's entire clan by nine generations. I have even exorcised the ghosts and sent them to hell where they would suffer eternal pain. I feel that it is just and righteous, for my poor dead mother's sake. My sister is a fool to believe that she is the legitimate heir. I should be the legitimate heir, but my father was too taken with the bitch and gave her and my illegitimate sister what was rightfully mine." Anna Suzanna Odjit Mehnet Ophelia Carmenita Esmerelda Malificia Carolyn Odelia Anastasia Jasmine paused, and turned to face Anzu, who took the opportunity to observe her features.

She too was like her sister, divinely gorgeously beautiful, except there was scary demented organ playing in the background when she entered. This one had wild messy long locks of silky auburn hair, and her emerald eyes had probably the most piercing gaze that one would see into the very soul of anybody who came across her. Her complexion was pale, like porcelain, and her figure was very buxom, almost like her sister's. She wore a regal cloak of red, and the rest of her clothes were black leather.

"So, you said we'd get back at her, Anna Suzanna Odjit Mehnet Odelia Anastasia Malificia -"Anzu was cut off by Anna Suzanna Odjit Mehnet Ophelia Carmenita Esmerelda Malificia Carolyn Odelia Anastasia Jasmine with a gesture.

"I do not like people who mix up my name.It is Anna Suzanna Odjit Mehnet Ophelia Carmenita Esmerelda Malificia Carolyn Odelia Anastasia Jasmine. However, as you are my faithful minion, I will allow you to call me Mehnet(4)."

"Yes…. Mehnet." In truth, Anzu liked Mehnet better than her awful sister who took her beloved Yami-kins away from her, but she was still a bit too annoying for her liking.

"And no, I am not annoying, Anzu. I am merely aggravatingly infuriating, that's it. And yes, I can read minds and control water and lightning too, if you want to know. Fire and water can be fused together to create a new element previously undiscovered by man, but since it is mine I am too clever to share it with the rest of the world," mused Mehnet, walking around the room in apparent satisfaction.

"I have one question, Mehnet." Mehnet turned and glared at Anzu. If looks could kill, Anzu would have died some 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times. However, she allowed Anzu to proceed with a wave of her hand, out of graciousness.

"How come you look nothing like your sister, even though she supposed to be your twin?" Mehnet looked at Anzu, and then came forward and stroked her cheek.

"My poor, foolish, imprudent, thoughtless, silly, stupid, idiotic, dim-witted, brainless, thick minion. Due to some unexplained plot twist which the author has completely forgotten to explain, I have somehow ended up to be this accursed girl's twin sister, even though we don't even share the same mother." Anzu accepted the explanation, and didn't even seem to notice that she had been insulted very badly. The two dropped down George (5) and into something which looked like a very high-tech surveillance room with some 1000 plasma-LCD screens(6). She touched one of them, and a very large picture of Mehnet's sister was brought up, shown kissing Yami passionately (cough cough hack hack CHOKE). Anzu's blood boiled.

"We'll have to wait for another time, won't we? We'll let my sister enjoy a few more weeks of pure bliss, then we'll have you reunite with your darling Yami-kins. Of course, we'll have a few friends to help…"

At this point, a very large plot hole opened and out fell Bakura and Marik (the Yami), who piled up in a dog pile on top of each other in an undignified, crumpled heap, unconscious.

"Of course, Bakura-baby and Marik will help us out…" purred Mehnet, batting her eyelashes at them (even though they were unconscious). Then, she let loose such an evil laugh that Darth Vader some trillion dimensions away screamed like a baby and cried for his mother and hid behind his throne in his palace, as well as the rest of his minions, who took cover in wherever they thought could shield them from the evil laugh. (7)

* * *

**_Glossary and Terms:_**

1: Veela is a reference to Harry Potter.

2: Half of it was taken from "Saint Joan" by Bernard Shaw. It's a good read, I grant you.

3: Think Silent Hill here. Anybody played the game? I did, and I went around checking my room for a week or so.

4: Mehnet was a character from my deleted story Oncoming Storm. Her name means beautiful serpent, if I remember correctly.

5: Check back the last chapter and look for a plot hole labeled George. I had to give him a cameo in this chapter, but I'm not sure whether he'll make another appearance since I have other plot holes coming up in my plot hole production factory.

6: Mix between plasma screens and LCD screens.

7: Sorry to all Star War fans here. Please don't light saber me. Please?

* * *

-cough- Never, ever, ever say you want to gang up with the characters in this story. Please. I don't want anyone to die here. And yes, the twin sister thing is very badly done. Without logic, I must say. I am ashamed of myself.

I am aware this chapter is probably not as funny and a bit more ridiculous than other chapters of the story… but I started laughing like a psycho when I wrote this. Which just goes on to prove I am a certified psycho.

Mid-years are NEXT WEEK and so I won't be updating till 14th December, so hopefully you'll forgive me and enjoy this last chapter before my exams…

Reviews are as always, greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoyed the story once again.


	6. Part 6: OOCness and Character Bashing

And after two full weeks of hibernation to face my mid-years, I'm back and running again with my very odd sense of humour. I do apologize for the wait though. I kept trying to actually get a few hours to type stuff and my mum kept coming in so I had to scrap the plan. Sorry about that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I only own piranha food/shark bait and poisoned piranha food/shark bait (read: EVIL Mary Sue. There's not much difference though. Either party can get you killed by their perfection.)

* * *

_**A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues**_

**Mary Sues**** can easily make people lose their wits and have people not know they've been insulted AND make even the coldest canon character demand for nicknames that would make a regular person so embarrassed that they'll want to crawl into the smallest hole in the world and hide there until everything is over and people forget about it. And remember, Mary Sue NEVER makes mistakes.**

"Say, I'm bored waiting around. What are we doing here, lounging around and doing nothing?" snapped Anzu irritably at Mehnet, as she lounged on the couch and was at work making out with Bakura, who fell in love with her as soon as this chapter began. Marik had dropped down another plot hole, as he wasn't needed yet.

"Patience, my minion," purred Mehnet contentedly as Bakura slung an arm around her and planted kisses on her neck. "No honeybun, slightly down there – " Mehnet pointed to a spot lower to the spot where her beloved was kissing.

"And why do you call Bakura honeybun? I'm surprised you're not dead yet." Mehnet smiled at Anzu, suggesting she was an idiot of some sort.

"Because I am a Villain Sue, you foolish idiot. And Villain Sues can make people go completely out of character. Besides, Bakura here - " At this, Bakura stopped kisses Mehnet's neck and took on a whiny tone:

"Not Bakura! Honeybun!" Mehnet briefly rolled her eyes and gently kissed Bakura's cheek.

"Alright. Honeybun." That seemed to satisfy Bakura and he resumed kissing Mehnet's neck.

"Besides, _honeybun_ here asked me to call him honeybun anyway. And if you're raring into action…" Mehnet smiled casually and snapped her fingers, making a massive chunk of boulder appear in front of the velvet red lounger where Mehnet and Bakura were seated.

"Drop down George here," she smiled casually, waving in the general direction of the boulder. Anzu raised an eye brow.

"Oh my god! It's a giant rock!" Mehnet's eyes narrowed.

"Are you implying I made a mistake?" she hissed. Anzu immediately shook her head obediently.

"Good," said Mehnet, contented once again. "Drop down George the plothole here." And at these words, the boulder did turn back into a plot hole again, immediately rectifying Mehnet's mistake due to her glory of being a Mary Sue.

"Alright, but it'll be hard to beat that giant rock - " A gust of wind shoved Anzu downwards into the sprawling darkness.

"Shut up, you stupid fool! And off you go!" George closed up and from the ceiling dropped Marik, who once again ended up in eagle spread. And because Mehnet was also a Mary Sue, Marik didn't die from falling at 5000 metres from the plot hole that had mysteriously opened up in Mehnet's vaulted, jewel-inlaid ceiling.

"Now I have my two favourite villains," said Mehnet happily. "What more can a Villain Sue ask for?"

* * *

**Mary Sues' rivals are often bashed in the most humiliating, pitiful way ever, whether logically or illogically.**

"Yami-kins! How does this look?" Meanwhile, Marie was in Christian Dior and twirling around in a beautiful golden gown that complimented her gorgeous and sexy figure, with her darling Yami seated in a cushion, gazing at his darling with rapture.

"It's gorgeous. Then again, everything on you looks _perfect."_ Marie giggled and skipped over and kissed Yami on the cheek.

"You're so sweet, Yami-kins," said Marie, throwing her arms around her darling boyfriend, who blushed a bit. The two were about to kiss when out of a plot hole (well, no surprises) dropped Anzu, who fell on Yami and kissed him instead, sending Marie hate mad.

"Why you little bitch!" she screamed, and all of a sudden they were transported into this quiet forest which was very eerie. Anzu smiled tauntingly at Marie.

"I kissed him all the same," remarked Anzu. Marie narrowed her eyes, and brought another large boulder crashing down on Anzu.

"Oh my god, another giant rock!" exclaimed Yami, staring as if the rock was some sort of alien.

"Yes, a giant rock," hissed Marie as she focused on crushing Anzu. Anzu managed to push it away from her, and threw a couple of scratches at Marie using her long nails.

"Why, you little… you ruined my perfect skin!" screamed Marie, and flew towards Anzu with a mannequin levitating in the air behind her, and managed to trap Anzu beneath it. Marie, just to finish her off, decided to bring down even more boulders, pianos, potatoes, watermelons, durians, elephants, whales, dinosaurs from the prehistoric age… whatever you thought of was the heaviest, it was there, dogpiling the aforementioned items on poor Anzu, who was flattened like a pancake. And suddenly Marie was back to her old usual self again, smiling like nothing happened, and of course since she was so perfect, Yami didn't notice a thing.

"Come on, Yami-kins, let's go." With that, she dragged a still love-struck Yami out of the mall.

* * *

Somewhere in the bowels of the earth, Mehnet watched this all with a satisfied smile on her face, with Marik massaging her back and Bakura leaning on her lap. 

"So Anzu proved just as useless as I thought," remarked Mehnet slyly.

"I'll kill her for you if you want," offered Marik hopefully, only to be met with a death stare from Bakura.

"I'm the one who does the killing because she favours me better," he hissed. Marik's eyes narrowed.

"Oh yeah? Let's duke it out!" With that, Marik flew at Bakura and Bakura flew at Marik and soon there was a ball of dust flying in the air. Mehnet seemed oblivious to it, however, and stood up, her back turned to the two fighting men.

"Well, sister," she murmured, gazing at the screen which showed Yami and Marie feeding each other. "Looks like I'll have to deal with you myself. Honeybun, mushykins?" Marik and Bakura immediately stopped fighting, and attempted to straighten themselves, even though Bakura had a black eye and Marik had bruises all over him.

"Poor mushykins(1)," cooed Mehnet, gently brushing her hand against his bruised arm, which healed all of his bruises instantly. Marik smirked at Bakura, who glared daggers at Marik, but that glare quickly vanished as Mehnet kissed Bakura's black eye, which also healed. Marik and Bakura engaged each other in a glaring match almost immediately afterwards.

"Let's go and get my dratted sister now and kidnap her." And she let loose that terrifying evil laugh all over again, this time making the Akatsuki leader(2) scream like a girl, just the same way she terrified Darth Vader, and got into her super posh black jet, with Marik and Bakura fighting once again to get into the passenger seat next to their "divinely heavenly goddess."

* * *

Author's Notes/Glossary Terms 

1: Read Marik Ishtar.

2: I think I'm overusing this scary thing. Not sure if it's funny anymore, but I cracked up. So yeah.

* * *

Hope the exams haven't dulled my sense of humour and your enjoyment of reading this, though I did have a good time extracting quotes from Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged as I always do. 

So please leave a review, and let's just hope you managed to crack up a bit reading this.


	7. Part 7: The Clash of the Mary Sues

Well, not only do I have another chapter up, but I have another announcement to make at the moment – I'm going on hiatus. Again. This time, it has nothing to do with my exams (I screwed up my maths, but ah well.) I'm heading to Tokyo in Japan to spend my Christmas. Don't worry, I'll be back soon enough.

One thing I'd just like to note – I don't think anyone noticed that "mushykins" was Marik… coughcoughcough

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any related materials. I just own the Mary Sues and the erratic behaviours.

* * *

_**A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues**_

**When two Mary Sues clash, the results are usually unpredictable. The end result depends on what the author would like to write and how she would like the story to end.**

"Are we there yet, Mehnet?" whined Marik, as he had lost the fight with Bakura and was forced to sit behind Mehnet – which was quite a torture for Mehnet's "mushykins". Mehnet had consoled him, telling him that he'd get to have her sit on his lap on their return trip, which nevertheless ended up with another fight between Bakura and Marik. Of course.

"Not yet, my little pudding," purred Mehnet, turning so she could wink at him before returning to her massive touchscreen to pilot her black jet.

"Could we take the long route, Mehnet?" asked Bakura.

"No, honeybun, I want to kidnap and my sister as soon as possible. Ah, there she is…" Mehnet maneuvered some rather complicated moves, hence causing her 100 metre long sleek black jet to gracefully turn a couple of spirals and fly in the shape of a phoenix before finally blocking out the sun due to its sheer size, sending everybody else in Domino City into a panic because they thought that the end of the world had come and that Apocalypse was about to set it. That was how evil Mehnet was.

Marie was at that present moment with Yami and Yugi and the gang plus all the unimportant canon characters in the Yu-Gi-Oh universe when she saw the black jet. At that, her eyes began to glow yellow and her beautiful, pearl white wings grew from her back in a cloud of feathers and white rose petals.

"What's wrong Marie?" asked Yami worriedly. Marie's face was a deadly hatred.

"My long-lost-twin-sister who I never knew existed has arrived," remarked Marie darkly. Then from a large plothole dropped Mehnet in all her evil glory in a velvet black cloak shot through with silver brocade thread (no matter whether it existed or not) with Marik and Bakura closely following her. The skies turned dark and thunder could be heard splitting atoms apart with its tremendous sound.

The moment Mehnet dropped through the plothole, all the canon characters who were with Marie began to drool too, as Mehnet was so perfect, and Bakura and Marik couldn't help staring at Marie when they saw her as she was also the image of perfection. And quite predictably, even though they were all at work staring at both Mary Sues, they ended up in a punch-up over who was prettier than who. Marie and Mehnet didn't quite notice though.

"So how have you been, dear sister?" asked Mehnet, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Very well, _Mehnet_," replied Marie with equal tones. The both stared hate mad at each other, before…

"Mercury! Attack my illegitimate sister!" Out of a plot hole dropped Marie's baby dragon which had somehow grown to gigantic proportions like one of a fully-grown dragon within a couple of seconds as he dropped down the plot hole.

"Damn you, wench! Bromine, attack that pathetic slut who I have had the misfortune to become her twin sister!" With that, a larger, brownish-red dragon dropped down yet another plot hole and began to tangle with Mercury.

"I was meant to be the rightful heir to the Fortuna fortune!" howled Mehnet as she threw spears at her sister.

"You slut! You're not even supposed to be my twin sister!" screamed back Marie as she fired away at Mehnet with her AK 47.

"I was wondering how on earth we even became sisters!" roared Mehnet as she dropped mustard gas on Marie. Then again, as Marie had healing powers that made her immune to all attacks, she was unscathed.

"I won't give up till I avenge my parents' deaths and you die!" cried Marie as she dropped an atomic bomb on Mehnet(1). Unfortunately, Marie seemed to have forgotten that Mehnet too was as perfect as her and was born with regenerating powers, much like the mutant Sinister in X-Men(2) and so even though Mehnet was blown to bits her particles managed to rejoin and heal together to form Mehnet. Yes, even though she was vapourized.

All around them, plot holes opened up and dropped down more and more items on top of each other as Marie and Mehnet summoned boulders, lightning, thunder, storm clouds, angels, encyclopedias, dictionaries, textbooks, drawers, grand pianos, grandfather clocks, watermelons, durians, jackfruits, houses, planets, tectonic plates, continents from another dimension, pencil cases, pigs, cows, sheep, cattle, salmon, tuna and what not. They hurled fire, water, shadows, light, jellies, candies, chocolates, cookies and cream pies at each other. In the background, there was a large dust cloud forming as all the canon characters in Yu-Gi-Oh were fighting over the Mary Sues. In other words, all hell had already broken loose.

Yet the problem was, as they were both so perfect, neither of them could actually win. Finally, the end of the chaos was heralded by Anzu, who dropped from the sky in a parachute, holding a golden shoebox which had funny symbols and a black onyx jewel, and yelled:

"MILLENIUM PLOT HOLE SHOEBOX! TAKE MEHNET AND MARIE AWAY!" At that precise moment, the shoebox glowed brightly and underneath Marie and Mehnet, two plotholes were formed, them being labeled Fred(3) and George(4) and they disappeared, and Anzu too was sucked into another plothole, along with Marik ,Bakura and the black jet, who weren't needed in this chapter any longer.

Once again, the skies cleared and the sky was blue and there were white fluffy cotton candy clouds in the sky.

At that point, Yami noticed that his Marie was missing, and howled to the skies:

"Marie, my beloved queen, where are you?!?!?!?"

* * *

While all this was happening, Marie found herself dropped into a small, dark dingy cell, while Mehnet was once again seated gracefully in front of the large screen in her room, watching her twin sister.

"Well, well, dearest sister," she mused. "Looks like it's time to claim back what is rightfully mine. And…" Mehnet trailed off and glanced at Anzu.

"Time to give my poor stupid idiotic dumb unwise rash reckless friendship freak of a minion what she truly deserves."

* * *

**Glossary and Terms**

1: I hope nobody minds my choice of weapon. It was just meant to demonstrate how perfect Mary Sues are.

2: No joking here! Sinister can regenerate himself even though Cyclops blasted him completely with his eyebeams at 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 watts per second. Freaky.

3 & 4: Not only am I reprising George the plot hole here, I am also dubbing its twin Fred in honour of Harry Potter and one of the deceased twin Weasleys. I forgot which one was it though.

5: Sorry, no LittleKuriboh quotes here for the day.

* * *

OMG!1!!1!!! Wut on earf will happun to poor Marie?!?!?! Stay tooned!

….Okay. That was intentional. Not really what I meant to do, but I couldn't bring myself to write this entire chapter using wrong spelling and grammar, but it got the better of me. So it made a guest appearance in my closing words.

One of the chapters which I actually enjoyed writing due to the chaos. Now I have to sign off and leave you to be until after Christmas Eve so my brother can get his fix of computer games on my computer… sigh

Please leave a review, and Merry Christmas! XD -hands out gingerbread cookies for everyone-


	8. Part 8: Transfiguration

Back from hibernation. Again. I think I'm running out of ideas for my Mary Sue fic, hence this will be updated a bit less frequently than I would like it to be. Hopefully my sense of humour will be somewhat intact.

This little guide will be over soon, as I have planned out only three to four more things to write about – unless, that is, you have something that you feel I have missed, and that of course, will be very welcome.

And no, I did not see Godzilla in Tokyo. I did see Mario and Donkey Kong though.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any related materials. Except for the fish baits.

* * *

_**A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues**_

**There is another type of Sue called a Canon Su****e, which is usually a canon character which has been completely removed from his/her original context. This can be also known as character rape.**** In this chapter, we will demonstrate a little bit on how divorced can a context get at its best case scenario.**

"Anzu you stupid fool, you must stop stumbling around in your high heels. How are you supposed to saduce Yami like this?" asked Mehnet as she lounged on a sofa. Behind her, Marik and Bakura were both playing Barbie Dolls with each other – albeit in a very violent manner.

"I do not know, good lady, yet I feel that thou hast placed an utmost torture upon me by forcing me to adorn my feet with these unnatural footwear," growled Anzu in a Shakespearean tone. However, it was an absurd statement to make. There was no way Anzu could walk in sixteen inch high hells, but Mehnet being the Villain Sue she was, wasn't pleased with her "minion" at all. She could achieve the impossible, then why couldn't her minion?

"Remind me why you are talking like you lived in the Shakespearean age," she snapped.

"Mayhap the most plausible reason would be because it was at the author's whim and fancy that she cast an enchantment over me," replied Anzu in a sing-song voice.

"Sweetie pie!" Mehnet called behind her. Immediately, both Marik and Bakura dropped their Barbie dolls (now dressed in Lolita outfits) and rushed to Mehnet's side like eager puppies after a juicy little bone. Or, in Bakura and Marik's case, two adoring fanboys after their sexy Sue.

"Could you go and check on the prisoner?" she asked sexily. Both Bakura and Marik swooned briefly before they both dashed out of the room, bashing and trying desperately to knock each other off track to please Mehnet. And dropped down a plot hole somewhere along the way. It didn't matter much. The gorgeously divine redhead merely smiled and went make to mentoring her protégé. In the end, she gave up.

"Come Anzu," remarked Mehnet, walking away. Anzu stumbled behind awkwardly, but somehow couldn't twist her ankle. They walked – or in Anzu's case, stumbled – down the staircase into a dark, dank corridor where they could hear Marie sobbing in the other end of the room - and dropped off yet into another plot hole for convenience. Mehnet laughed a sexy yet evil laugh, and opened a door at the other end of the corridor gracefully some 1000 kilometres away.

"Well, Anzu dear," murmured Mehnet, handing a lilac coloured drink which was smoking golden smoke. Of course, she couldn't thrust it at Anzu, right? After all, she was a Mary Sue. "Drink this, and perhaps you can seduce our little baby Pharaoh with a bit more success."

Upon hearing that, Anzu greedily poured the potion down her throat – and very nearly choked upon it. For a few moments, there was deadly calm and silence. Then, Anzu screamed a scream so shrill that it shattered all the glass windows and glass objects in the world, and she was simultaneously enveloped in a puff of shocking pink smoke. Mehnet, on the other hand, watched with amusement.

When the smoke finally cleared, the silhouette of a figure of who seemed to be Anzu could be seen standing – except she was waay taller and a lot more curvy than what she used to be.

"Step out of the light, you abominable woman," snapped Mehnet testily. And what came out was something that would probably give anyone a heart attack.

It was Anzu alright, but her face had been completely transfigured into a paler, heart shaped face. Her eyes were no longer brown, but an unnatural shade of cat yellow, and her lips were curved in a cherubic pout. Her figure had become more fully developed, and she wore black leather and a golden crucifix hung from her neck on a large chain, adorned with emeralds and sapphires. This heavenly divine deity was made even taller, having balanced very successfully on her sixteen inch high heels.

"Well Anzu?" asked Mehnet. "Do you like it?" Mehnet wasn't jealous. She knew she was more beautiful than Anzu -

"I am more beautiful than you, Mehnet, and I am not Anzu," whispered the transfigured Anzu in a soft, trilling whisper. "I have embraced my inner goddess and from now on shall be known as Aphrodite Venus Sakura Rosa Tayma LeBeau." Mehnet's eyes narrowed a bit. _I forgot - the potion can allow her to read minds._

This was going to be messy.

* * *

And that concludes this chapter. A bit short and anti-climatic, I know, but still I found it funny. Not sure if you agree though. 

Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always. Maybe this will lighten up your day for a bit and make you laugh whenever you think of what the characters are saying.

P.S. I perhaps should warn you to brace yourselves for the next chapter for some serious spelling mistakes. Just a tiny little spoiler.


	9. Part 9: The End

This will be my final chapter for the fanfiction. Thanks to all the reviewers who reviewed my story – you guys rock! -hands out gingerbread cookies-

It took me some time to write up this chapter, so please forgive me for the delay.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything related to it. That's it.

* * *

_**A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues**_

**Mary Sue fictions sometimes have severe deterioration of spelling and occasionally grammar.**

Mehnet paced up and down the dark, damp corridors of the dungeons beneath her rooms, anxiously waiting for news from her transfigured minion (formerly known as Anzu) above ground. She had sent Anzu out for a date with Yami, and knowing that she was now transfigured into a Canon Sue(1), she knew Anzu wouldn't have any problems with seducing the Yami that her twin sister Marie loved so much.

_If only that moron of an idiot would fing hurry up!_ She cursed mentally, her pacing steadily becoming more and more frantic. Every five minutes, she'd check on the small camera that she kept in her palm. Then again, as she was a Villain Sue, she never, ever did break out into a sweat. Then, there was a slight beeping noise.

Mehnet blinked and glanced very briefly at the camera, taking only a millisecond. Regular people wouldn't have been able to look at the details properly, but as Mehnet was perfect, she herself could. Framed in the metallic frame of Mehnet's jeweled digital camera was a picture of Anzu and Yami kissing, Yami evidently disgusted and trying to push Anzu away. It didn't matter much. Mehnet could always pass it off as Yami being delightedly surprised.

"Hey, Marianne!" sing-songed Mehnet as she danced her way to her twin sister's cell. With a devious yet sexy smirk she unlocked the door with all due grace that was required of her.

Huddled in the corner was Marie, evidently crying. In spite of the fact that she hadn't bathed for three weeks straight, she still looked as gorgeous as she ever was, and the bruises on her back on enhanced her beauty. Even in captivity Marie was beautiful. In fact, time and time again Mehnet had to lock up Marik and Bakura because the two of them were so charmed by Marie that they kept trying to sneak her out for some fresh air and dates and gingerbread houses and Spongebob Squarepants (2). Which irritated Mehnet to no end, of course. Eventually, Marik and Bakura were so smitted by Marie (despite the fact that they were supposedly smitten with Mehnet), they tried to have her escape. So Mehnet dropped them down two different plot holes to Candyland and ChocoIsland so they could be chased by giant candy sticks, big chocolate swans and evil lollipops which oddly resemble Tobi (3) gone high on sugar(4).

"What?" hissed Marie venomously, for once showing her not-so-pretty side.

"Look! See how much you loved Yami, and what he has done!" With that, Mehnet shoved the camera right at Marie's face, smirking as she did so. Marie paled and stared at Mehnet.

"It's a trick," she said, her eyes suddenly brimming with tears.

"Nope, it isn't." With that, Mehnet left the cell and locked the door with an ominous "click", leaving a thoroughly devastated Marie behind.

* * *

**Mary Sues often have two possible endings: one is to live happily ever after while the latter is to d****ie of a broken heart and be discovered by the one that the Mary Sue loves**

For a fuuw breef momunts, dere woz nuffin but silens, except 4 Maire's soft sobs. Then, as she beegand 2 reeahlize herr sittuasion, sumfing in her gav weii and shee felll 2 da grund, sohfly sobbeeng. Her mouf opunnd wrdlessleey, halpless and sad. Her ayes slowly began to clos, and she murmoored:

"Yami… y?"

And den she died (OMG).

(Okay, spelling switch back)

* * *

At that particular moment, Yami and the others dropped down from a plot hole in the ceiling, dog piling into another heap.

"Dammit, get off me, Joey!" snapped Yami, struggling to be freed.

"That's moneybags ya talking about!"

"SHUT UP! Can't you see Marie's dead?" shouted Yugi. By some miracle, Yami managed to ghost out of the pile and run to Marie's side. He stared at her, dead and lifeless, yet still so gorgeous and divine.

"Kinda pleased to see her dead, aren't you?" Everyone's heads snapped to Mehnet, who was leaning against the door. Yami glared at her, though Mehnet seemed oblivious to the fact.

_He's undressing me with his eyes,_ Mehnet thought. _I wonder if he likes what he sees._

"Damn you, bitch! You killed my Marie! MIND CRUSH!"

"Uh, Yami? You can't mind crush everyone you see," pointed out Yami.

"Shut up!" shouted Yami, consumed by his grief and despair. There was a shriek from the other end of the room, and one saw Mehnet being consumed by a fiery flame, despite the fact that Yami was supposed to be mind crushing Mehnet, and not flaming her to death.

"NOO! I WON'T DIE I CAN'T DIE NOT UNTIL I'VE GOTTEN THE -"

"Okay, chop chop, let's go." In a blinding ray of light, a masked figure popped down, interrupting Mehnet's rant. This one was holding a pen.

"Oh, hey author! Nice meeting you," replied Mehnet with a smile.

"Dude, you're like dial-up in Australia man! Hurry up!(5)" With that, the masked figure slapped Mehnet, who "ouched" in return because the one who slapped her was the author, and authors could do whatever they liked to their characters, let them be Mary Sue or not Mary Sue.

"Okay! I WON'T DIE UNTIL I'VE GOTTEN THE INHERITANCE FROM MY FATHER'S WILL WHICHWASSTUPIDLEFTTOMYILLEGITIMATESISTER - "

"GOODNESS' SAKE JUST SHUT UP AND DIE!" With that, the masked person shoved Mehnet and the flames surrounding her into another plothole, which promptly closed up. The masked human turned to the others, who were staring at her with gaping mouths.

"You won't see her for quite some time, until - "

"LET ME OUT I NEED MY INHERITANCE BACK!" Mehnet's voice echoed through the wall.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID MARY SUE!" the masked person bellowed back at the wall, which seemed to be the source of the sound.

With a bemused smile, the author bowed and disappeared in a flash of light, leaving just Yugi, Yami and the gang in the cell, with Yami holding Marie's lifeless body and tears streaming silently down his cheeks, mourning for his lost love.

Oh, and as for Anzu, the moment Marie died, she reverted back to her old self and was dropped down another plot hole to be stored until later use.

* * *

Glossary:

1: See previous chapter

2: Don't ask why Spongebob managed to make it into this series

3: Tobi is from Naruto and is the one who wears an orange lollipop mask. HE'S SOOO KAWAII!!! -squeals-

4: I've seen a picture of that on DeviantArt and it was traumatizing.

5: The previous three lines were from College Saga on YouTube. Best. YouTube. Video. Ever

* * *

And that was the last chapter of my guide. Hope you enjoyed reading it, and got a few good laughs. Can you spot the Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged quotes? My final joke, I like to joke.

And please don't kill me for almost killing your eyes when I went ballistic on the spelling. Please?

Reviews are gladly welcomed, and until I decide to post another story, see you.


	10. Part 10: The Reseurrection

WOO! 50 reviews! I love you guys.

…No, Part 9 was not my last chapter. Okay, fine, it was my last official chapter. This one's the epilogue. I've got a few more traits to cover, and in this chapter, I'm pulling out all my trump cards.

All jokes aside, I will get to a slightly more serious tone. Part 10 will definitely absolutely be my very last chapter, official or unofficial, in this guide, and after this, I will have finished my guide and most likely have put up an OC fiction.

…Now where did that come from?

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh in any way, no matter how much I want to. Maybe I should hold the creators ransom and demand them to hand over the copyright… XP

* * *

_**A Dummy's Guide to Mary Sues**_

_**The Epilogue**_

**Villain Sues may or may not turn good at the end of the story, usually with such suddenness that you'd think they have a split personality syndrome.**

"Dammit! Why do you have to keep me locked up in a cage and so un-glamourous?" screamed Mehnet from her gilded cage, dressed in a sackcloth bag and her hair all filthy and dishevelled. And when I say gilded, I literally mean gilded, with gold leaf covering the massive cage bar. A little bit far off, the author (I'll just call her the Mask for the time being) was slowly decorating a little ballerina figure.

"Because," began the Mask. "I need to keep up locked up here for entertainment purposes. Oh, and I'm putting this near Sasori's(1) grave in a moment, so I don't want you to wreck havoc on my fandoms." There was a brief silence, before the author smirked and wrote something down on her fluffy purple notebook and made the ballerina figure dance.

"Burn the witch," hissed Mehnet, and had to duck to avoid a flying gingerbread house coming her way, fired from a plot hole from the wall.

"That's LittleKuriboh's line, so drop that," remarked the Mask, still watching in rapt adoration at her ballerina doll.

"Did you know that your ego has caused your fanfiction to go ballistic?" snapped Mehnet. The Mask shrugged and dropped the ballerina down another small plot hole and turned to face Mehnet, holding a sharpened candy cane.

"You're gonna die right now – OUCH!" Somewhere from the ceiling, Bakura and Marik dropped down and knocked the Mask out.

"I'm here to kick ass and to drink cups of tea!" declared Bakura.

"Sure, but you're out of tea," muttered Marik.

"Shut up, Tomb Keeper!" snapped back Bakura, grabbed a saw made of chocolate and tried to saw apart the gilded cage that was holding Mehnet captive.

"That won't work, Tomb Robber! Let me, the great master of tombs… " Behind them, the Mask rose silently, with some creepy music playing in the background, creeping behind them and holding two suspicious round things in her hand.

"BEHIND YOU!" screamed Mehnet. The two Egyptians were a tad bit too late though, as the Mask brought down on their heads two watermelons, ruined their hairstyle, smudged their makeup, and knocked them out.

"And I'm here to kick ass and to smash watermelons over peoples' heads. And guess what? I've got watermelons," said the Mask, standing over the fallen figures.

And at that precise moment, there was a ray of light shining on Mehnet, and she saw the error of her ways. She fell to her knees, crying in shame, alarming the Mask severely, and turned into a goody-two-shoes, which annoyed the Mask so much that she administered her own brand of punishment.

The Mask freed Mehnet from her cage, and placed her in a boxing ring – and promptly let loose a robot that began to assault her. Mehnet did manage to dodge the robot, but not without crying: "Ah! Somebody help me!"

"Look, that guy's assaulting her!" said Random bystander no. 1.

"Yeah, let's just stand here and watch," remarked Random Bystander no. 2.

So in this fashion, Mehnet was cursed to all eternity to dodge punches from a robot without any foreign aid. And because she was a Mary Sue, she was immortal, this punishment never ended for her.

* * *

**Mary Sues, given their ability, can sometimes resurrect and enjoy a happily-ever-after ending.**

"Hey, Yams, snap out of it!" Joey said, trying to comfort a crying Yami. After Marie's death, Yami had been reduced to a pitiful figure, wearing a sackcloth bag and often drunk to drown his sorrows. He also developed a habit of banging his head against a wall, leading to a rather deep indent in the said wall, despite the fact it was made purely of reinforced concrete.

"You don't understand Joey," murmured Yami sadly. Joey sighed, while Kaiba turned up at Yami's front door with bags of Chinese.

"Leave him Joey, he'll get over it." Joey sighed, hugged Yami briefly and then left the room.

"Say, Kaiba," began Joey. "When do you think Yams will manage to get over it?"

"I don't know," said Seto sullenly. "She was the best thing to happen to all our lives." Joey agreed, nodding. There was a slight stirring heard somewhere in the basement below their feet.

"Do ya hear something, moneybags?" Seto raised an eyebrow, and strained his ears to hear.

"Maybe it's just a giant rock," he commented offhandedly.

"No, I think we should definitely check it out." With that, Joey bolted off downstairs, with a rather reluctant Seto following him, as the stirring sound had piqued his interest as well.

The unlikely duo walked down to the basement, being very wary of what was going on. The sound seemed to get louder and louder as they proceeded towards the end of the room.

"D'ya think we need a weapon, Kaiba?" Seto grabbed the feather duster which was lying very close to him while Joey grabbed a cushion. When they got to the end of the room, what greeted their sight was rather… odd.

There was a large shining passageway at the end of the room, which such dazzling light that the two of them very nearly went blind.

"Om my god, it's a giant rock – no make that a giant passageway of dazzling light - "

"Hey! I'm back!" A most familiar voice came slipping out of the passageway like the most beautiful music from a gilded music box. From the passageway stepped out Marie, smiling and resplendent in her divine and deified glory.

Joey and Seto stared at each other for a moment. Seto then proceeded to faint and fall into a cardboard box, wrinkling his gravity-defying trenchcoat, while Joey tore up the stairs, shouting: "YAMI! YAMI! MARIE'S BACK!"

"Don't say that, Joey!" called Yami back, thoroughly depressed.

"Yami-kins!" sing-songed Marie as she danced up the basement stairs. Yami didn't need any more convincing. Like an eager puppy after a bone, he raced down the stairs and collided with Marie. The moment he saw her, his sackcloth bag somehow managed to magically vanish and be replaced by his regular outfit.

"I thought I'd lost you forever," whispered Yami, running his fingers through Marie's silky, gorgeous, smooth and beautiful locks of tresses.

"I can't die that easily," murmured Marie, tightly tucked up in his embrace.

"Oh, and will you marry me?" asked Yami, popping the question – and a velvet box which contained a diamond ring, again by courtesy of a plot hole. Marie happily agreed.

So the two of them dropped down a plot hole, got married in Munchkinland, had 5 children which went on to become the rulers of the universe and lived happily ever after.

Oh, and Anzu had to burn in hell and grind her teeth because she opposed Marie since day one.

**THE END

* * *

**

Yeah. That's the end. Thank you for reading this and supporting me, and until next time, see ya.

Reviews are appreciated. Maybe one last time please?


End file.
